From an early interest in Greek, Norse, and Egyptian mythology, I developed an appreciate of storytelling as a means of expressing ideas that are hard to put into words directly, tales that capture our imagination and let us mentally glimpse underlying moral truths, opening the door for our hearts to intimate a reality beyond our five senses, something transcendent. Later, a study of paganism and the occult led me to look deeper into these stories and myself to seek that which was hidden from common knowledge because the transcendent seemed so mysterious and arcane. But abuse, pain, anger, and dissatisfaction with the shallowness of my spiritual life prodded me to explore meditation and the teachings of the Buddha. I spent many years on this path, visiting monasteries and meditation groups across the country, finding that taking refuge in wise teachers, ethical and contemplative practices, and an earnest spiritual community produced much benefit for my wounded yet hungry heart and mind. Remove the defilements of greed, hatred, and delusion from your heart, and there the door to the deathless stood. But still there was something missing from the equation, and I felt drawn towards learning even more. Reading things like Plato and works on Christian mysticism, I started to see what I thought were common themes and experiences that were expressed in different words and through the lens of diverse cultures yet sharing so much. And I slowly became convinced that, if truth is indeed universal, then perhaps what I was truly searching for was the foundation of that truth, a truth that attempted to shine forth in every religion but was difficult to grasp in its essence. More and more, I saw God as that foundation, and so I sought out God.
I cannot say that even today I know who or what God is. Ultimate reality is something that I am not sure one can ever truly know in full detail, but I do think it can be touched, experienced, in a way that gives one confidence, wisdom, and strong moral character. And I think all of the great teachers and saints of every tradition are examples of those who have had some glimpse of the divine, whether through faith, practice, or study, and exude love, compassion, and wisdom as a result. Some have more indirect experiences and generalized understanding of this reality (e.g., through study and debate or mediating upon the unconditioned, uncreated, and timeless aspect of God’s being), and they tend to see God as either a separate but unconditioned reality lying outside of our experience of the five senses or as the ground of being and even being-itself. It is a more impersonal experience of God that is closer to the God of the philosophers or the deathless element realized by Buddhist arahants. And some, on the other hand, have a more direct and intimate experience and knowledge of this reality, and I believe these are the ones who tend to see God as a personal being who, while being unconditioned, still has a presence that is felt in our conditional world, like the prophets of divine revelation and pious saints. But I think that both see God in some way, and I have gone from seeking God impersonally to personally; hence, it is here that I began to dip my toes into the study and practice of the Abrahamic faiths. I found exploring Christianity the easiest and most natural as it surrounds me, has theological roots in philosophers like Aristotle and Plato (although I lean towards the latter), and has a monastic tradition that has similar characteristics to the Thai Theravada Buddhist monasteries I was already familiar with. And I have certainly found much wisdom there, finding wonderful spiritual teachers, ethical and contemplative practices (such as centering prayer), and communities of kind and welcoming people. But as much as I admire Jesus and seek to follow his example of radical love and compassion, I found that I had trouble seeing him as God, or God as three distinct persons. I always saw these things as metaphors for God as ultimate reality and ground of being (Father); our potential to have an intimate connection to God, being all ‘children’ or creations of God, as exemplified by Jesus (Son); and the presence of God suffusing the world as it evolves along with our understanding of it (Holy Spirit). Jesus has been my teacher and guide and example of someone who loves God and others as himself because God is love (love being a creative and nurturing energy), attempting to connect us to God, another example of the trinity being about relationships rather than ontologies. Richard Rohr, one of my favourite Christian perennialists, has often made this connection. For example, he has described the trinity as a circular dance and the deepest flow of life, and that each ‘person’ of the trinity relates by “living in an eternal self-emptying (kenosis), which allows each of them to let go completely and give themselves to the other. They are simultaneously loving and totally loveable, one to another.” And that love is the very nature and shape of divine being: “This deep flow is then the pattern of the whole universe, and any idea of God’s ‘wrath’ or of God withholding what is an infinitely outflowing love is theologically impossible. Love is the very pattern with which we start and the goal toward which we move. It gives energy to the entire universe, from orbiting protons and neutrons to the social and sexual life of species, to the planets and stars. We were indeed created in communion, by communion, and for communion (Genesis 1:26 calls it being ‘created in the image and likeness of God’).”
Throughout all of this, I always had a fascination with Judaism, but primarily as an outsider, from afar. I would often read books about Jewish thought and philosophy or listen to podcasts and lectures and found much that intrigued me. I remember the very first book that sparked my conscious interest in Judaism was Rabbi David Copper’s book, God is a Verb, which I read when I was 17 or 18. Nevertheless, not being born into a Jewish family or having any close Jewish friends, I felt like it was not something I could personally be a part of. My understanding was that, even though I knew conversions did happen, it was more of a heritage and not something you could easily leap into as a gentile and I did not think I would be welcomed into the community in that way, especially since I had no knowledge of Hebrew, which is a very important part of the Jewish tradition. So for decades, I simply admired it from afar, watching TV shows like Srugim and Shtisel, and finding my closest connection within Christianity and reading the Bible, with Jesus continually pointing me back towards the Tanakh, which contained within it the story of a people who, on the one hand, are struggling with the world they live in, full of greed, oppression, and violence, yet dreaming of a world that is filled with equality, abundance, and peace–a story of historical progress towards something better and the successes and failures that a particular people found worth telling and remembering. And for a time, I suppose I was somewhat satisfied. But when I continued to dig into God, theology, and the various traditions and ideas contained within them, I discovered new Jewish sources such as Zevi Slavin’s Seekers of Unity series and Rabbi Dr. Samuel Lebens and realized that I was not truly satisfied–there was more for me to learn about this religion that I had orbited for years and was only now becoming cognizant of its gravitational pull upon my heart and mind.
Years before my immersion into Judaism, I made the Hebrew blessing that is said before eating any food not grown in the ground as my daily morning prayer: Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam shehakol nihiyah bidvaro (“Blessed are you, Lord our God, Sovereign of the universe, through Whose word all things come into being”). I found it beautiful, simple, and containing within it all that I thought needed to be said and reflected upon at the start of the day–God, God’s word, and my place within God’s world. And studying the principles of Judaism, I realized I had already accepted the three primary principles of Judaism proposed by Rabbi Joseph Albo from my previous years of religious study and practice: (1) the belief in one God and source of being; (2) belief in revelation, including (but not limited to) the divine origin of the Torah; and (3) belief in reward and punishment, which can also be viewed as the cause and effect relationship between our actions and their consequences in this life and the next life (or lives). Spinoza takes credit for really convincing me of the first principle with his argument in Ethics, with assistance from Rabbi Dr. Lebens and his Hasidic idealism, with Spinoza’s substance = consciousness/God’s mind in my own amalgamation of these two philosophical points of view. But whatever the theological and philosophical nature of God and the universe may be, I am firmly rooted in the belief that God is the source of all things, God is one and wholly indivisible, God’s will/intention/word created the universe and everything in it, and God continually supports existence through said will/intention/word. And in this belief, I am a panenthiest in that I think God both transcends this world (God as Mind or Substance) and at the same time God’s presence suffuses and foundationally underlies it, albeit limiting that presence at the same to make the space necessary for conscious beings to act of their own volition (i.e., reality being thoughts in the mind of God if God is immaterial and idealism is correct, hence God is in God’s thoughts yet God is greater than those thoughts; or else God produces and supports a material world that is infused with God’s presence, because what can exist without God?). This space, created through what Jewish thought calls tsimtsum, is in essence the womb of God giving birth to the best of all possible worlds–a world sitting between that of perfect order (pre Big Bang) and that of perfect disorder (the entropy at the end of the universe), a world that is ordered by natural laws and also subject to the underlying chaos of quantum level uncertainty, which together allows for the limited order necessary for life to grow and evolve and be given the freedom and flexibility of choice within the awareness of God’s omniscience. This accords, I think, to the Kabbalistic saying, “God is the Place of the world, but the world is not God's place.” God is transcendent yet immanent. Without yet also within. Impersonal yet deeply involved in our lives. God is the ultimate and eternal paradox. And revelation – revealed laws/knowledge – is rife throughout creation, from the mysteries of nature to the inspiration of human intuition and imagination. God is speaking to us every moment, and there are some among us who are more attuned to the language of God, who are able to listen more deeply, and communicate what God is saying–what we would call prophets (and in other realms, philosophers and scientists). The laws of nature constitute both the physical laws that dictate what we experience as the material world (whether or not that ‘material’ world has some form of concrete existence outside of the mind of God) as well as the moral laws that dictate conscious experience within it, pleasure and pain, happiness and sorrow, satisfaction and regret, good and evil. And what is revealed of the latter type of law, both written in our hearts and spoken of by prophets such as Moses, is a complex web of interconnectedness and causality, a moral law in which our actions are like seeds that are planted and grow, the fruits of which we reap in this life and any life (or lives) to come. Much like the Eastern concept of kamma or moral cause and effect, seeds that are planted with intentions of greed, hatred, and delusion tend to grow into rotten fruit, the taste of which is sour and bitter and full of decay. With these fruits we reap punishment. Seeds that are planted with intentions of generosity, love, and wisdom, however, tend to grow into fruit that is sweet, delicious, and full of life. With these fruits we reap reward. And life is a mixture of these experiences. The more we plant of the former, the closer we get to Gehinnom (hell); the more we plant of the latter, the closer we get to Gan Eden (heaven).
The story of the people of Israel begins with liberation from slavery and servitude, announced by God and achieved through human hands, and has its hopeful end in a messianic age characterized by peace and freedom from want. And underlying that story and driving it towards this estimable goal is a revolutionary spirit, one that commands injustice be protested, whether committed at home or by the entire world. For example:
Anyone who is able to protest against the transgressions of one's household and does not, is punished for the actions of the members of the household; anyone who is able to protest against the transgressions of one's townspeople and does not, is punished for the transgressions of the townspeople; anyone who is able to protest against the transgressions of the entire world and does not is punished for the transgressions of the entire world. (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 54b:20-55a:1)
Suffice it to say that I have a deep admiration for Judaism because it has greatly influenced my understanding of God and reality, and I have always been drawn towards it even if I may feel forever outside of its inner circle of faithful. Nevertheless, I am also a perennialist in that I find its presence in some shape or form in every religious tradition and vice versa. I do not think that God or truth is limited to only one people, even if some may have a stronger connection to, or deeper knowledge of and history with, God. We are all children of God, and as such, we are all heirs to God’s creation and love. I am no less deserving of truth and love than anyone else. Moreover, I see aspects of this divine truth in so many different and wonderful places, from Judaism, Christianity, and Islam to Buddhism, Hinduism and countless other spiritual traditions. The words and symbols and rituals may differ, but they are all ultimately fingers pointing towards the same proverbial moon. And I admire, appreciate, and accept all of these various traditions and what they have to offer in their own terms as well as what they offer humanity together–the means by which we are able to reach out and touch the transcendent.