happy samhain

the Horned God slumbers,
our two worlds draw near:
death pierces the veil.

just say no [to austerity measures]

Almost a year ago, I read an article in the Nation about the rise of the 'austerity class' and the growing popularity of deficit reduction measures in political discourse called "How the Austerity Class Rules Washington." It got me thinking about how the inherent contradictions within capitalism that give rise to crises always seem to put government into a tricky position. On the one hand, it makes sense, especially from the point of view of a household, to have a 'balanced budget,' i.e., to be 'austere' today and save any discretionary income for future hardships, invest it for future returns, or both. And, utilizing this rather 'common sense logic,' people want their government to be 'responsible' and have a balanced budget just like any household should.

The problem with this type of approach, however, is that if everyone is saving and investing on a national scale (i.e., not consuming), or if they have little in the way of discretionary income to begin with, especially in the midst of an economic downturn, higher unemployment will result due to lack of demand, and the value of any investments will be greatly reduced since no one's consuming the goods and services being produced. When this inevitably happens, people begin to scream at the government to do something, which either means some kind of conservative austerity plan to reduce spending and increase investments, or else some kind of liberal stimulus plan to promote aggregate demand and boost employment.

Unfortunately, neither solution can eliminate the contradictions within capitalism that naturally lead to boom and bust cycles and financial crises; but the latter makes far more sense to me in that it helps boost employment, which further stimulates demand and speeds recovery, and doesn't come at the expense of people who need help the most in the form of cuts to things like food stamps, low-income housing, Medicaid, Pell grants, and unemployment insurance, which is precisely the kind of spending conservative austerity plans tend to target. But instead of the latter, all I've been hearing during the current election cycle is a lot of austerity talk, much of it directed towards social programs like Medicare and Social Security.

I'm not really a huge fan of Paul Krugman, but I think he brings up a fairly decent (albeit obvious) point in an op-ed he wrote earlier in the year called "The Austerity Agenda" that was originally made by John Maynard Keynes 75 years ago: that by pumping money into the system during slumps, the government can stimulate aggregate demand and help put people back to work in times of economic decline, and their subsequent spending will further help speed economic recovery. And conversely, that 'starving the beast' (i.e. the government) will most likely do little besides prolong and/or exacerbate the slump of an already depressed economy.

The bottom line is that austerity measures, particularly in combination with lower taxes on the wealthy and fewer regulations for corporations, ultimately hurt the working class and poor, eroding years of hard won gains by the latter while strengthening the former's capacity to accumulate more profit, as well as letting them off the hook for their greed and irresponsible behaviour. By "using deficit panic as an excuse to dismantle social programs," then, capital and the oligarchical ruling class have essentially found a way to utilize austerity measures as a means of privatizing gains and socializing losses under the guise of, ironically, fiscal responsibility.

The financial crisis of 2008 and the ensuing recession did a lot of damage the economy, from destabilizing financial institutions and the housing market, leading to failures and foreclosures, to creating chronic unemployment across the country. And the impact from that was further exacerbated by a federal deficit largely created by two unfunded wars and tax cuts for the wealthy (thanks, GWB!). But instead of attacking the bloated military budget in any significant way, raising taxes on the wealthy and corporations (which are at historically low levels), and instituting strong financial reforms (instead of lukewarm reforms like Dodd-Frank), the trend has been to gradually take it out on the backs of the elderly, the poor, students, and the working class via austerity measures aimed at cutting spending on things like education, healthcare, transportation, etc.

I think that's the wrong approach, and I urge everyone else who also thinks it's the wrong approach to be more vocal about it. Vote for candidates who'll stand with working people to oppose these kinds of measures. Start writing your current representatives and tell them that you oppose these kinds of measures and want them to support different solutions. And if you have the time, join other like-minded individuals demonstrating against austerity cuts and for things like an end to war and a smaller military budget, an end to the Bush-era tax cuts, higher taxes on large corporations and capital gains, and other solutions that don't target an already beleaguered working class or the members of our society who need government help the most.

why voting alone isn't enough

Something a friend of mine said about average people never gaining control of our government without literally, physically, taking it back because it's been bought and paid for by the wealthy inspired this relatively short, 15-point argument that simply engaging in electoral politics (i.e., voting) isn't enough to change the system on its own:

1. We live in a predominately capitalist political-economic system.

2. Capitalism is a process in which money is taken to produce commodities (e.g., goods, services, etc.) that can be sold for a profit (M-C-M).

3. This process leads to capital accumulation (i.e., the accumulation of wealth) on the part of capital as opposed to labour due to their ownership of the means of production and finance.

4. Money, as a representation of value and medium of exchange, is a form of social power.

5. Money is considered Constitutionally-protected free speech within our system.

6. Money is a driving force in the political process (which now allows unlimited campaign spending by corporations and other collective entities).

7. The more money one possesses, the more influence one potentially has in this system.

8. The capitalist class, then, logically has a disproportionate advantage within our system, especially when it comes to influencing and shaping our representative form of government, than the working class and poor.

9. Those in power make the rules (i.e., laws and loopholes) and tend to do so with a view to their own preservation and well-being.

10. Their own preservation and well-being depends upon serving the interests of capital and finance.

11. It follows, therefore, that substantive changes in the political-economic arena that benefits the working class and poor rather than capital and finance needs to come from the bottom up, not the top down.

12. This form of political-economic opposition requires the working class and poor to expand their class consciousness, unite in common cause, and use their superior numbers and indispensable place in the capitalist mode of production to offset the disproportionate (and essentially undemocratic) influence of monied interests.

13. The greater the solidarity amongst the working class and the dispossessed, the greater the potential opposition.

14. The greater the opposition, the greater the potential for substantive, systematic change that favours the majority of the citizenry (the 99%) rather than the wealthy, ruling elite (the 1%).

15. Radical change, then, necessitates a concerted, working-class mass movement, particularly one geared towards more fully democratizing our economic system and institutions.

callous joe

While talking about the collateral killing of civilians in the use of drone strikes to assassinate terror suspects, Joe Klein said: "The bottom line, in the end, is: Whose four-year-old gets killed? What we're doing is limiting the possibility that four-year-olds here are going to get killed by indiscriminate acts of terror."

I guess killing four-year-olds abroad is apparently kosher to Klein as long as it limits the vague possibility of four-year-olds being killed here by "indiscriminate acts of terror." Never mind the fact that by doing so, we run the risk of radicalizing even more people who may eventually carry out said acts of terror; or how chilling it is that someone can seem so nonchalant when talking about the killing of four-years-olds anywhere for any reason. I hope I never become that callous.

i can't believe i agree with penn on something, but...

I'm not a big fan of Penn Jillette as a political commentator, but on one of his weekly podcasts of Penn Sunday School he said, "I don't know how people can get so outraged about PBS, and Big Bird, and children's television when we are killing children with drone strikes overseas. I mean, those children will never see Big Bird because we killed them." And I think he makes a good point.

Out of the last two presidential debates, two of the most substantive things that have come out of them are new internet memes involving Big Bird and 'binders full of women.' While humorous, it seems that the focus and outrage over Romney's desire to cut federal funding for PBS and his idiotic remark about hiring women as governor of Massachusetts out of "binders full of women" brought to him by women's groups is overshadowing other serious and pressing matters, such as our ongoing military actions around the world and the use of unmanned drones to assassinate targets in places like Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Yemen that routinely kill civilians, including children.

It's not that I think the issues underlying these memes are unimportant (they are); it's just that I find it hard to fathom why people seem to be putting so much energy into defending Big Bird from funding cuts and not people's lives. Children are dying overseas. Our soldiers are still dying overseas. And considering both side's hawkish stance on Iran, these things need to be a part of the discussion too, even if they don't make the best memes.

this is what [the illusion of] democracy looks like

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein and her running mate Cheri Honkala were prevented from entering the grounds of tonight's presidential debate and arrested for "obstructing traffic":

Jill Stein, Cheri Honkala arrested, call tonight's debate a "mockumentary"

The sad thing is, she (and candidates like her) could probably have a decent chance of winning if all the people claiming they like her and/or her platform actually supported her and her party financially and voted for her in November. Most of the people I know say they like her and wish she was 'more electable' or 'had a chance,' yet only a small handful are actively supporting her or planning on voting for her in November. I'm probably one of the few who will.

I understand the reasons why people are so reluctant to vote for her, especially the fact that her chances of winning are so slim. But that would obviously change if she had the support of all the people saying they like her, side with her, etc. It's such a catch-22, and it drives me crazy, mainly because our outdated electoral system actively makes it so difficult for independents and third party candidates like Stein to compete with Democrats and Republicans, particularly in federal elections. And yet, if nobody is willing to help support these alternatives and make it easier for them to get on ballots, in debates, etc., how will they ever get a national platform?

The two dominate parties make this extremely difficult, and simply supporting these two parties in elections with votes and donations instead of independent and third party candidates like Stein only makes it that much harder for the latter to compete nationally. The way I see it, we'll be stuck with a two-party system until we get off our collective asses, organize, and push for electoral changes while also supporting alternative parties/candidates. If we don't support them now, they'll never have a chance. Parties and candidates don't just magically become nationally popular and electable, nor do they do so on their own. Their failure is in some respects our failure too.

As difficult as building a viable alternative to the status quo and changing election laws is, it's not impossible. But it'll only be possible when people like you and me put our time and effort into organizing it because it is such an uphill battle. I don't see why this is so hard to understand. It's not like electoral politics is a free market. The Democrats and the Republicans essentially have a monopoly, and they make it disproportionately difficult for independents and third parties to compete. To counter that, we need more citizen support, not less.

chandrakirti and wittgenstein: similarities in east/west thought

It's always interesting seeing the (often little known) similarities between Western and Eastern philosophy. In reading about Wittgenstein and his ideas about language presented in Philosophical Investigations, for example, I'm reminded a lot of the early Prasangika Madhyamikas. For example, the Wikipedia article on Philosophical Investigations summarizes one of Wittgenstein's arguments about language, meaning, and use as "meaning is use"—i.e., "words are not defined by reference to the objects they designate, nor by the mental representations one might associate with them, but by how they are used." This is reminiscent of a famous line by Chandrakirti in Clear Words (composed sometime in the 7th century CE): "Words are not like policemen on the prowl: we are not subject to their independence. On the contrary, their truth lies in their efficacy; they take their meaning from the intention of the one using them."

In addition, the idea that one of the consequences of Wittgenstein's argument is that "there is no need to postulate that there is something called good that exists independently of any good deed" is similar to the logical consequence of Chandrakirti's argument, which is that in debate, "It follows that we have merely invalidated our adversary's thesis. We need not accept the antithesis of the logical fault we have exposed" due to the fact that Prasangikas advance no thesis of their own. So just as one doesn't need to postulate that there's something existing on its own side called 'good' that exists independently of good deeds, one doesn't have to accept or advance a thesis of their own in order to invalidate that of another; and whereas Wittgenstein's argument can be seen as a rejection of Platonic realism, Prasangika in general can be seen as a rejection of the notion that all things and phenomena possess some kind of inherent, self-existing identity or essence (not unlike the Platonic idea of forms) without at the same promoting or being forced to accept the notion that things and phenomena are inherently nonexistent.

Just something I found interesting and that was worth sharing.

to dox or not to dox

I honestly don't know much about Reddit, but I thought this article was interesting, particularly the subject of anonymous free speech and how far people's identities should be protected.

It seems that a longtime poster/moderator, who pushed the boundaries of free speech by posting racist, misogynistic, pornographic, etc. material under an anonymous screen name while championing the site's 'free-speech culture,' was recently outed by a reporter for Gawker. And it appears that many members are coming to his defense since, "To them, the 'doxing' of Violentacrez—'doxing' is hacker slang for publishing someone's personal information in order to intimidate or punish them—is an assault on the very structure of Reddit itself."

But should tolerance always be tolerated? Or should society make a distinction between what should be tolerated and what should be discouraged or suppressed? Should we tolerate racism, for example, or should we confront it whenever and wherever it rears its head? Should we allow people who promote racist ideology to remain anonymous, or should they be exposed?

It reminds me of when local anti-fascists out the identities of local neo-Nazis, posting their personal info online and all over town, and the questions it raises about privacy, free speech, and tolerance. At first, I was uncomfortable with the idea of outing someone's identity and releasing their personal info simply because you don't like the things they're saying; but the more I think about it, the more it seems like an effective tactic in countering what Herbert Marcuse called indiscriminate or repressive tolerance, which serves to minimize or absolve prevailing intolerance and suppression, and a potential consequence of exercising one's free speech, especially content that promotes things like hatred and violence, or sexually exploits minors.

To me, the main moral of this story is, if you don't want to be associated with the things you're expressing, maybe you shouldn't be expressing them because the world is filled with people who make it their duty to bring to light what's hidden in darkness.

design week portland

So apparently there's this thing called Design Week Portland going on right now, which is essentially a week-long event at various locations around the city highlighting designers in all fields. Events include everything from studio open houses and presentations by individuals showcasing their innovative creations to hands-on craft-making activities and fashion shows.

Oblivious as usual to local events like this, I stumbled upon it last night when a friend visiting from out of town was invited to one of the events, which happened to be a collection of presentations at Instrument, a digital creative agency. I missed the first couple of presentations, but the ones I saw ranged from a guy developing a cheap and easy way to produce homemade CD cases and a cute mobile app called Kaleidoscope to a new music app for slicing and dicing beats and something that did something cool with pics and tweets and stuff. They also had free beer and pizza.

Today I stopped by the Leftbank Project, where Fashionbuddha Studios, Sockeye, and Creativegirl (one of the WeMake crew) are located. At Fashionbuddha, where this one guy I kind of know sort of works, they had fun little animated photo booth set up where three cameras take your picture and turn it into an animated gif. They had a bunch of props you could use, and a handmade, 3D background. Can't wait to see how mine turns out.

In the back, they had an area where they were showing their 15min stop-motion scenes for Star Wars Uncut (which collectively won an Emmy) and the upcoming The Empire Strikes Back Uncut, including the set for The Empire Strikes Back Uncut and figures from Star Wars Uncut.

Right across the hall from Fashionbuddha is Sockeye, which specializes in creative branding. They had a collection of things they've done set up in their conference room, including a congratulatory MVP commercial for Derrick Rose commissioned by Adidas, assorted media from their "It's Our Nature" campaign, and a variety of printed material for clients like the University of Oregon, Portland State University, Pittock Mansion, and Ruby Receptionists.

I'm not sure how many more events I'll be able to attend this week, but I'm going to at least try to make it to WeMake's Put A Bird In It! party Friday night at Union/Pine. I know a couple of people who are going and it's supposed to be a pretty good time. Anyone interested in learning more about Design Week Portland or the schedule of events can find more info at Design Week Portland's official site.

happy indigenous peoples' day (my yearly columbus day rant)

Sigh. Another year, another Columbus Day.

Out of all our national holidays, I think this one pisses me off the most. Essentially, it celebrates a man who not only 'discovered' land that was already inhabited (Hispaniola), but a person who helped to literally wipe that land of its original inhabitants, the peaceful Arawaks, through his unbelievable cruelty, and that of those who followed him to the 'New World' (which itself is a very Eurocentric designation).

The Arawaks initially greeted Columbus and his crew with gifts and open arms. Of them, Columbus himself writes things like, "They are the best people in the world and above all the gentlest—without knowledge of what is evil—nor do they murder or steal ... they love their neighbors as themselves and they have the sweetest talk in the world ... always laughing" and "They are very simple and honest and exceedingly liberal with all they have, none of them refusing anything he may possess when he is asked for it. They exhibit great love toward all others in preference to themselves." As well as things like, "They would make fine servants. With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want."

While simply passing judgment upon the actions of people long since dead doesn't serve much of a purpose, I think it's important to at least remember them and accept that they form an integral part of our nation's history, and a truly ugly part at that. I think this is especially important since the trend (particularly in school textbooks) has been to mythologize people like Columbus and their accomplishments while downplaying many of the negative things they also did, some of which were truly heinous acts. But these things shouldn't be glossed over, in my opinion; they should be reflected upon so that they're never forgotten—a reminder of the terrible price exacted by Mammon.

What happened to these poor people, and what eventually happened to numerous other tribes in the Americas, was nothing short of genocide; and I don't think we should celebrate the main architect of this inaugural (not to mention extremely brutal) land-grab as a hero with his own a national holiday. It not only dishonours the memory of the Arawaks and the other indigenous inhabitants who directly suffered at the hands of Columbus, his men, and those who followed, but I think it dishonours the descendants of all of the Americas' native inhabitants as well. If anything, today should be renamed Indigenous Peoples' Day in their honour.

And for anyone reading this who may be unfamiliar with the full history behind Columbus Day, I recommend checking out this excerpt from Howard Zinn's Columbus and Western Civilization, as well as this clip from The Canary Effect.

love is the law

It seems like I’ve spent the majority of this weekend at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Cathedral, where the 61st annual Portland Greek Festival is being held, which, if you know me, is kind of funny considering how much I used to shun churches in my younger days. But whereas I used to scoff at organized religious institutions, particularly Christian ones, I've since found myself increasingly drawn towards spiritual people and places of all kinds, often getting a feeling of expansive peace and interconnectedness whenever I come into contact with deeply spiritual people and teachings of all faiths.

Eastern Orthodox churches seem to especially draw me in, not only because of their beautiful iconography, but because of some of the symbolism underlying them as well. Some of them (like the one depicting Jesus' descent into Hades, for example) are quite philosophically complex, and I find them intriguing to contemplate, not unlike Christian koans in a way. The concept of theosis is also appealing to me, i.e., the idea of trying to emulate the life of Jesus, and genuinely putting into practice his teachings on forgiveness, generosity, renunciation, and unconditional love in order to become more god-like, to become one with the best aspects of our humanity and share a deep sense of communion with one another.

Of course, there are certainly many Christian ideals and theological aspects that I don't like and will probably never agree with; but I respect Christianity and the Christian community for what it is or potentially could be to people. It's a guiding light in times of darkness, and a source of comfort and a place of refuge in difficult ones. It's a journey towards wholeness for those who feel incomplete. It's a celebration of life and happiness in a world filled with sadness and death. It's a philosophy, a riddle, a vehicle for gnosis. And deep down, it can be characterized by one simple commandment, which Jesus gave to his Apostles at the Last Supper: love one another.

It's hard not to appreciate this commandment and the spirit it was given, or the people who sincerely endeavour to follow it. It speaks to the salvific power of love, and reflects the idea that there's something special, something divine, in our interactions with other people—an idea that's mirrored in Bible passages such as, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love," and echoed by Church Fathers like Augustine of Hippo: "Once for all, then, a short precept is given you: Love, and do what you will: whether you hold your peace, through love hold your peace; whether you cry out, through love cry out; whether you correct, through love correct; whether you spare, through love do you spare: let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good."

my 3-day vipassana retreat experience at wat atam

I spent this past weekend at Wat Atammayantarama (or Wat Atam for short) in Woodinville, WA, for a meditation retreat that was led by Ajahn Sudanto from the Pacific Hermitage (a branch monastery of Abhayagiri) in White Salmon, WA. While relatively short as far as retreats go, it was exactly what I needed. It's been a few years since I've attended a meditation retreat at a Thai Buddhist monastery, and I forgot how much I enjoy spending time at monasteries and emulating the monastic life, even if for just a few days.

The monastery itself is nice and consists of a large, yellow house that serves as the monks' residence, the newly constructed meditation hall that includes an adjoining kitchen, activity room with library (where they eat and receive visitors), and a couple of bathrooms, and spacious grounds that supply ample places to sit, walk, and take pictures of. It's also nice in that it's close to Seattle, but still in a relatively rural location, giving it a more peaceful and secluded feel. Their neighbor, for example, had what appeared to be a horse ranch, and both Friday and Saturday I saw hot air balloons leisurely passing by.

As far as my experience of retreats goes, it was fairly typical, structured yet relaxed. Friday night began with a quick orientation at 7pm (many of us were first time visitors to Wat Atam) and the taking of the eight precepts, making us quasi-monastics for our stay. Since the chanting guides they were using didn't have the eight precepts in them, which are usually chanted, Ajahn Sudanto dispensed with the formality and just explained each one and that we were ipso facto observing them, which then segued into evening chanting, meditation, and a Dhamma talk in their newly opened meditation hall (or sala in Thai).

Like most Thai temples, they chant every morning and evening in Pali; although, this place was rather unique in that they used a shorter chanting guide containing just the Dedication of Offerings, Preliminary Homage, Homage to the Buddha, Homage to the Dhamma, Homage to the Sangha, Salutation to the Triple Gem, and Closing Homage, and did both the Pali and the English translation. (I'm not sure if this is normal, or if it was because the retreat was being led by a visiting monk from Abhayagiri, a predominately Western Thai forest monastery in Ukiah, CA; but most temples I've been to usually throw in more, like Reflection after Using the Requisites, Five Subjects for Frequent Recollection, Verses on the Noble Truths, etc.)

After the chanting, we sat for about an hour, and then Ajahn Sudanto gave a Dhamma talk before we all retired to our accommodations a little after 9pm. Since about 50 people registered, some of us had the opportunity to camp out back behind the meditation hall, as space in the meditation hall basement was limited. And I spent the first night curled in a ball, shivering. (The sleeping bag I brought apparently wasn't up to the task of actually keeping me warm, and I was reminded of the night I camped out at Occupy Detroit.)

The next morning began at 5am, with one of the monks going throughout the meditation hall and by the tents gently ringing a bell. Not an unpleasant way to wake up before dawn. Surprisingly, even though I didn't sleep very well due to the cold and the rough ground underneath my tent, I awoke feeling pretty good. I climbed out of the tent, splashed some water on my face in the bathroom, drank a cup of hot water, and met everyone in the meditation hall for the 5:30am morning chanting (same as the evening) and meditation, the latter of which I surprisingly didn't fall asleep during.

At 7am, immediately following the meditation session, we all congregated in the kitchen for some chai tea and a light breakfast, mostly consisting of croissants, barley and rice with heated soy milk, and fruit, which, after everyone got their food and sat down, we ate mindfully in the 'activity room,' paying attention to each sensation and experience as it arose. As I slowly bit into a grape, for example, I noticed perceptions arising like 'firm,' 'juicy,' 'slightly tart'; and I observed how my mind/body (since they're both intimately connected) reacted to all the various sensations, such craving one taste or texture more than another, imaging what something was going to taste like, and comparing that with how it actually tasted (generally a back and forth between satisfaction and disappointment). When the meal was done, we washed our dishes outside at a specially prepared station as the kitchen sink was too small to accommodate the 50+ meditators including the volunteer staff.

After breakfast, it was right back to mediation followed by a Dhamma talk. The theme centred on a comparison between the process of building a fire using the bow method and the process of developing mindfulness, and how consistency of effort and the right materials are the key. Essentially, our minds aren't really conditioned to focus on a single object for long periods of time, and are easily distracted, especially by what are called the five hindrances in Buddhism: sensual desires (covetous or greed for pleasurable sense experiences), anger/ill will, sloth and torpor, restlessness and worry, and skeptical doubt/uncertainty. Ajahn Sudanto gave the image of them (taken from Ajahn Sona) as things pulling the mind, pushing the mind, the mind rising up, the mind sinking down, and the mind spinning around.

To counter these mental states, which are like trying to use wet, rotten logs and grasses to start a fire, the meditator seeks to develop the five factors of the first jhana, i.e., applied thought, sustained thought, happiness, joy, and one-pointedness of mind, which are like using nice, dry logs and grasses to start a fire when consistent effort and energy is put into vigorously sawing the drill until it starts to heat up and ignites the kindling, which here represents using applied and sustained thought with consistent effort and energy to keep the meditation object, the breath, in mind. And the smoke in the analogy is the beginning of mindfulness and the accompanying joy and happiness that arise when the mind starts to become one-pointed, a combination of mental and bodily pleasure that can eventually be used to develop even more refined states of concentration and enjoyment, free the mind of the hindrances, and open it up for arising of insight.

When the talk was over, Ajahn Sudanto gave a brief description of walking meditation methods, and then had us do that until 11am. One method was to mark a path about 50ft in length, and mindfully walk back and forth while focusing on the sensation of the feet as they rise, touch the ground, and so on. An alternate method is to focus on the breath instead, and try to walk at a pace that matches, such as take 3 steps with the in-breath and 3 with the out, which takes a bit more effort. I prefer to walk repeating a mantra while focusing on the sensation of my steps myself, breaking each word of the mantra in half, one for the right foot and one for the left: bud-dho, dham-mo, san-gho, par-ents, tea-chers, something I picked up from Ajahn Prasert in Fremont, CA, when I used to spend retreats there.

At 11am, we had lunch, which is always the biggest (and usually the last) meal at Theravada monasteries. There was the usual assortment of Thai food, rice, curries, noodles, etc., as well as fruit and a few other odds and ends. Most of the food was vegetarian, and they made sure to mark anything that wasn't, which is rather unusual compared to other Thai monasteries I've stayed at, where the food is usually made with some kind of meat or another (some of them a delicious mystery). As with breakfast, we didn't start until everyone got their food and sat down in the activity room, and Ajahn Sudanto reminded us to eat mindfully. I noticed that the closer I got to finishing, the faster and less mindfully I ate. All that conditioning from years of 30min lunch breaks is hard to overcome it seems.

We had about 45min of free time after lunch and before our 5hr block of meditation. I took the time to lie down in my tent for about 30mins since my back was being pissy.

From 1pm-6:00pm, we alternated between sitting and walking meditation. The first hour, we all sat together in the meditation hall, then we were given the option of staying and sitting longer or going outside to practice walking meditation; and so as not to disturb the people sitting in the meditation hall, whoever wanted to go in or out were asked to try and switch every half hour. I decided to walk for 30min, then sit another hour, then alternate between walking and sitting for 30min so that I finished with walking meditation. By the end, my knees hated me, and my back was plotting with them to do me in.

From 6pm-6:30pm, we had a tea break. I had some more of their homemade chai and cup of coffee, which gave me the energy for evening chanting and meditation, as well as the Dhamma talk and Q&A that followed. I honestly can't remember much besides bits and pieces, but one thing that stood out was when he mentioned his first years practicing in the jungles of Thailand and not being able to sleep because of all the sounds he wasn't used to hearing. By 9pm, I was physically sore and tired, but my mind was full of interesting experiences and insights that had popped up along the way, which made the pain worth it. I went back to my tent reflective, peaceful, and sad that the next day would be my last.

I awoke at 2am to the sound of what I assumed to be a sizable number of coyotes barking, yipping, and howling/screaming. It was unlike anything I'd ever heard before, and they sounded close. I also heard a number of other sounds that got my mind spinning, proliferating, and eventually convinced there were probably bears in the area that could smell my Clif Bars and would be visiting me soon. At 4:50am, Ajahn Santidhammo came through with the bell, and I awoke to find myself and my Clif Bars intact.

Sunday began the same as Saturday, with everyone meeting in the meditation hall for the 5:30am morning chanting and meditation, which again, much to my surprise, I didn't fall asleep during. Out of all the sittings, in fact, this was one of the most fruitful. My mind had finally become used to the seclusion from the stimuli of my normal, day-to-day life, and was beginning to settle down. When things popped up that pulled my mind along with them, or when aversion was pushing my mind away from the pains of my body and the present moment, it was easier to simply note this and then let them go by mentally saying 'These things are impermanent,' These things aren't important right now,' 'I don't need to follow that,' etc.

At one point, my posture was actually quite comfortable, and the breath became a very pleasant sensation, and I was mindfully able to follow it as it flowed all the way in and out until a subtle feeling of pleasure arose in my mind and spread throughout my body. Sadly, I wasn't able to develop and spread the feeling further, and I began to be distracted by pain in my knees and other intruding thoughts. If this had been a week-long retreat, I probably would have had more chances to get my fire of mindfulness going; but the end of the retreat was drawing near.

The sit ended with a Dhamma talk followed by a Q&A session from 8am-9am. Ajahn Sudanto reviewed some of the themes from previous talks, and answered a number of questions about a variety of topics such as whether it's better to sit with eyes open or closed (he encouraged everyone to explore different methods, and suggested eyes open might be good for relieving sleepiness if one is starting to nod off or if one is prone to seeing images and day-dreaming with them closed), what to do when pain arises (try to focus the breath and breathing on the spot where pain arises and breathe through it, or study the pain itself, analyzing whether it's solid and steady, arising here and there, whether it's pain signaling damage or just the pain of not moving, etc.). The retreat officially ended with a short blessing chant and paying respects to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha.

By now, people had begun to start streaming into the monastery for the combination Ancestor's Day ceremony, weekly Sunday service, and meditation hall grand opening, which promised to make the day a lively religious/social event. We packed up our tents and made way for the throng of people, mostly Thais, to take our place. I said goodbye to Ajahn Sudanto, found my ride, and we began the long drive home.

(A version of this post also appears as an article on newbuddhist.com.)