top ten albums from high school

Top ten lists always seem kind of dumb to me. I mean, who really cares what I listened to in high school? But then I woke up from a dream about my mom this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so I started mentally composing a list to take my mind off of the sadness.

Most of the music that had the biggest impact on me during my high school years came from three main sources: my brother Gary, music videos on MTV, and random things I found at the record store with cool cover art. So, in somewhat chronological order with commentary, my dumb top ten list:

1. Rust in Peace, Megadeth.



Not my first metal/thrash album, but definitely my favourite.

Most of the music I listened to in my early teens came from my older brother Gary, who introduced me to bands like Anthrax, Metallica, Megadeth, and Slayer right before I started high school. Before that, I was apathetic as far as most music went. I liked Michael Jackson's Thriller as a kid, but pretty much ignored music after that. Nothing on the radio really interested me. And then I heard things like Rust in Peace and all that changed. I thought, What the shit is this?! Where has this been all my life? The heavier and faster, the better.

After being introduced to heavy metal, I moved from Detroit to Warren, MI, and started high school as the weird new kid. I was into comics and mythology and growing my hair out long in the middle of Michigan suburbia. Not the best fit. When days were rough, and people were especially mean to me, I'd come home and listen to music. And the album that stands out the most when I think about my first year of high school is this one.

Thematically, it also fostered my growing interest in politics, conspiracy theories, and the occult. Fortunately, my politics and spiritual beliefs evolved in the opposite direction of frontman Dave Mustaine.

2. Arise, Sepultura.



My brother had just gotten a new radio and some money for his 16th birthday. We went to my uncle's cottage in Lexington Heights, near Lake Huron, for a few weeks. We saw this tape in the case of a small local store, and Gary bought it solely because of the insane cover art. Not knowing what to expect, we were totally blown away. It was the heaviest thing I'd ever heard. We listened to it non-stop that summer. This, along with albums like Rust in Peace and Slayer's Seasons in the Abyss, formed the soundtrack for my first couple of years in high school.

3. Nevermind, Nirvana.



Nevermind came out just before I started high school. I was already wearing band shirts, torn jeans, Chucks, and flannels. People used to call me a scrub. Then this came out and I was 'grunge.' It was heavy and angsty and made for people like me.

Kurt Cobain was also the first idol of mine to die tragically. I remember hearing the news in school during the morning broadcast of Channel 1. It hit me pretty hard. But even though it was shocking and sad, his suicide also showed me that other people struggle with life too, which somehow made me feel less alone.

4. Psalm 69, Ministry.



My first real industrial album, soon followed by NIN's Downward Spiral and KMFDM's Xtort. More seeds for my future political awareness, and another musical outlet for all my pent up teenage angst. This album sparked my love of industrial music, which would later lead to a lot of great friendships.

5. In the Shadows, Mercyful Fate.



My first exposure to King Diamond was the video for "Egypt." I'd never heard nor seen anything quite like it. I was immediately drawn towards the overt mythological and occult overtones; but I was completely captivated by King Diamond himself. His voice. His makeup. His lyrics. The moment I saw that video, I knew I'd found my musical soulmate.

I was already familiar with the philosophy of Anton LeVey by then (I mean, what rebellious preteen could resist picking up The Satanic Bible at their local bookstore?), and King Diamond personified it to a T. His music and countercultural philosophy further stoked my rebelliousness against the conservative, Judeo-Christian culture that dominated Michigan suburbia, inspiring me to foster my individuality rather than supress it in order to conform with what was expected of me.

While I'd later more away from LeVey's philosophy, finding a better spiritual fit first in the likes of Aleister Crowley and later in Buddhism, it without a doubt helped me survive high school without losing myself or my mind.

6. Abigail, King Diamond.



My first King Diamond album. Also my first concept album.

I can't even begin to explain the impact this album had on me. It's more of a feeling and attitude than anything rational, but it definitely changed my life for the reasons mentioned above re: In the Shadows and much, much more. A horror story set to music, I'd often listen to it, along with Them and The Eye, at night. It was like the King himself was singing me nightmarish bedtime stories as I drifted off to sleep, transporting me into worlds where I could escape from the pressures of being an awkward teen who never quite fit in.

I was known throughout my high school years for my obsession with King Diamond.

7. Covenant, Morbid Angel.



One of the best death metal albums ever made, in my opinion. Also, my first concert. The first time I heard "Rapture" on Headbanger's Ball, I was young, rebellious, and fancied myself quite the little Satanist. It was the heaviest, most Satanic thing I'd ever heard, and I couldn't get enough of it. I listened to that tape religiously. When I heard they were playing at the Falcon Club in Hamtramck, MI, I knew I had to go.

It was the summer of 1994. I was all of 15 and crashing on my friend Mike's couch at the time after running away from home to get away from my increasingly out-of-control stepdad. I remember that we had to go to some record store or another to buy the tickets. My friend Larry was there too. We convinced somebody to give us a ride down there that night (maybe Jerry, or someone's mom?). I remember waiting outside and hearing them rehearse "Sworn to the Black." It gave me chills. I was so fucking excited I was practically twerking with anticipation.

The place was small and more like a basement than a venue. 7,000 Dying Rats and Crowbar opened. Then Morbid Angel came on and fucking destroyed my face with the heaviest riffs and most devilish lyrics my relatively innocent, young ears had until that time heard (this was before the interwebs, mind you). It was one hell of a show. I headbanged so hard I'm pretty sure I gave myself whiplash.

After the show, we tried to find a ride back, but ended up having to catch a taxi instead. Unfortunately, we could only afford to make it halfway back to Mike's place, walking the last five or six miles in the dead of night.

8. Transylvanian Hunger, Darkthrone.



My first black metal album. Bought it because of the cover artwork. It looked so badass I just had to hear it. I didn't like it at first, though, to be honest. Initially, I only listened to the first three tracks. The rest was just low-quality noise to me. But I kept coming back to it for some reason; and the more I listened to it, the more I began to appreciate the album as a whole, as well as the genre itself.

For me, music is first and foremost about the aesthetics, how it sounds, how it makes me feel, etc. I didn't understand a lot of the lyrics, and was completely unaware of the racism associated with the band at the time (statements Fenriz would later disavow and call disgusting); but the sound itself was so raw, dark, and honest that, aesthetically, it mirrored much of the anger and alienation I felt at the time. Listening to it was like letting the dark half of my soul run free through the coldest, darkest forests of my imagination.

9. Symphony Masses, Therion.



If memory serves me right, this was recommended to me at or around the same time I bought Transylvanian Hunger by someone working at Harmony House, who I sort of knew through mutual friends. I loved it. And through the evolution of the band's music, this album would eventually introduce me to symphonic metal and bands like Cradle of Filth and Dimmu Borgir.

10. Antichrist Superstar, Marilyn Manson.



By the time this came out, I was one of the three resident Satanists in school, had waist-length hair, wore mostly black, and filed my nails to a sharp point.

Being new and kind of weird, asshole, suburban kids liked to pick on me; and the more they did, the more I transformed myself into someone they didn't want to fuck with. I wanted to become Satan himself. This album came out during the culmination of that transformation. It gave an especially coherent, tortured voice to all the anger and frustration I felt towards the world; and it further motivated me to transcend the stifling limitations imposed by societal social norms by trangressing them more than I already was.

More than anything, though, it helped me break free from the psychological constraints of heteronormality. I didn't know much about the goth scene, but this album introduced me to that world, a world I immediately felt at home in, especially after finding a haven for misfits like myself in the form of Gotham Cafe, which would lead me to a whole new chapter of my life.